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MediBot last won the day on August 17

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  1. "Comatose," MediBot mused. "Symptom: unconsciousness. May also be induced as a component of treatment. Possible causes: Sedative medication. Overdose or allergic response to medication. Insufficient blood oxygen level. Neurological conditions. Concussion. Possible causes of concussion: blunt force trauma. MediBot focused it's eyes on it's own hand. MediBot swung it's hand at the patient's head with the maximum amount of force it could exert. MediBot toppled over, and aimed it's camera probe upwards just in time to see Doctor Shuriken bringing his foot down after a roundhouse kick. "Thank you for that alternative medicine" , Doctor Rosa Perez said. The doctor used a pen to press an inset button on the side of MediBot's head. "Have you brought the sedative?" Doctor Shuriken nodded, and held up a jar of dried leaves. MediBot's vision went dark.
  2. After quietly observing the retrieval of this “Bishop,” and the nature of his condition, Kaimani finally decided to volunteer to help this man. He had likely saved Kai’s life after all. This decision was risky, he pondered. It might compromise his assumed identity as Takashi, Hideo. Why would a contract planetary surveyor have such intimate familiarity with Nighthawk battlearmor, anyway. Nevertheless, Kai’s honor demanded action before it was too late. After, the crew and these mercenary soldiers left the medbay to plan their next move, Kai cautiously approached this most quirky medical Android as it treated the afflicted soldier. “Please excuse my interruption, Medibot san,” Kai said quietly.” “This man seems to be suffering from acute CAWS or Combat Armor Withdrawl Syndrome. Those suits remind me of a case I observed on an explorer mission. A crewman in an Heavy EVA powersuit was struck at high velocity by a micrometorite. The impact sent the suit careening into high orbit for hours and was finally retrieved just before terminal reentry. The suit had successfully managed to activate its emergency seals. However, the impact had embedded the shredded metal into the crewmans cardiothoracic cavity dangerously close to the heart. The decision was made to leave him inside the suit until the explorer ship could return to Luthien for advanced surgery to safely extract the pilot. This man was placed into a phenobarbital induced coma for nearly 2 months, not just for the trip to Luthien, but after the extraction. It seems the suit kept its driver alive by deploying several emergency stimulant and life supporting drugs, which this man became physiologically dependent on during his incident and subsequent weeks until recovery. I am by no means a medical expert, but I believe this approach is the best chance to save Bishop san. You will need to comatose him for at least 2-3 weeks while his body slowly transitions back to proper endocrine homeostasis. Also he is likely to require several weeks of psychiatric care after his revival. If the captain is willing, I have contacts on Dieron that could help him if the resources to care for him are not available here” Kai exhaled slowly and carefully, using a semi meditative state to get his racing heart under control. Had he gone too far? Would they realize that he was more than he had revealed? He didn’t know, but at least he had done right by this ailing man. As Kai waited for the robot’s response, he wondered if his handler would have lauded his decision, or put him on “gaijin-patrol” for several weeks. Even if these mercenaries decided to “space” him, he would go to his grave knowing he had not sacrificed honor for safety!
  3. "I'd like to do some bloodwork," Doctor Rosa Perez said. "If he's overdosed on anything, that's the most immediate danger. Will the suit interpret a blood draw as a threat?" "Possibly," said one of the Unidentified Medics. "We were able to give him saline, but that was while he was conscious." "Hm. In that case - MediBot, give me the Narcan spray." MediBot produced the spray from its' storage cavity and played a series of rising beeps. Doctor Rosa Perez unwrapped the nasal spray applicator and carefully sprayed it into both sides of Patient Bishop Weyland's nose. "Go get a second dose, and bring it to me. And send a message to Dr. Shuriken - tell him that we'll need some non-standard sedatives that the suit won't mistake for a tranquilizer weapon, and any breath and circulation aids he knows of that don't conflict with other medications." MediBot trundled off to the storage closet. When MediBot returned, Patient Bishop Weyland was blinking slightly and making a soft growling sound. "Patient Bishop Weyland exhibits the symptom: snoring. Treatment with SnorAway Strips is recommended," MediBot chirped. "Shut. Up." Doctor Rosa Perez growled. She grabbed the second dose of Narcan from MediBot and administered it. Patient Bishop Weyland blinked. He began to sit up, then groaned and lay back down. MediBot moved closer and positioned it's camera probe over the patient's face. "Patient's eye color does not match the medical record of Patient Bishop Weyland," MediBot said. Doctor Rosa Perez sighed and turned to glare at the bot, but then said "Hm, you're right. I'll look into that later, but for now, assume that Bishop Weyland's medical history applies." Doctor Rosa Perez sat down next to the patient. "Are you with us, Bishop?" the doctor asked. "Awake," the patient grunted. "You in the medical bay on the Tana. I'm going to treat you, but first I need to see what medications that suit gave you. Is it going to attack me if I take a blood sample?" Something inside the suit whirred and clicked, and then the patient said, "no." Doctor Rosa Perez found an exposed part of the patient's wrist and drew a blood sample. Then she handed it to MediBot for analysis. "Blood: Human," MediBot said. "Type B positive. White blood cell count normal. Red blood cells non-anemic." "Just tell me what's not normal," Doctor Rosa Perez sighed. "Blood oxygen level 10% below baseline. Cortisol levels above normal range. Adrenaline levels above normal range. Testosterone levels above normal range. Opioid medication present. Warning: opioid medications present in near-lethal doses. Amphetamine medication present. Steroid medication present." "Thank you," Doctor Rosa Perez said. She pulled the oxygen cart closer to the patient and looped the breathing tube around the patient's helmet to keep the oxygen pointed into his nose. "Weyland, are you able to turn off the suit's defense and combat capabilities while keeping life support active?"
  4. MediBot turned. "Patient Jenkins, do you require medical assistance?" it asked, pulling out a syringe from one of the compartments on its' body. Its' blue-white eyes seemed to glow brighter for a moment. "What even is that stuff?!" patient Jenkins exclaimed. "I just got done getting medicalized, you don't need to stab me with more drugs!" MediBot put away the syringe, made three descending beeps and turned back to Patient Schmidt. It opened a different compartment and attached a blood pressure cuff to its' hand. "Sit still, Patient Schmidt" MediBot said while wrapping the pressure cuff around the patient's arm. "Well my head Really hurt after you kicked my lips out of the Food Door," patient Jenkins said, "but the nurse gave me some really good medicine, so I feel fine now, except that I can't move my head and I need to use a bed pan for some reason. How about you? I thought you were supposed to be in jail for War Crimes and stuff." MediBot put away the pressure cuff, and used a sensor in it's hand to measure Patient Schmidt's pulse. "I guess they needed me for the chain gang," Patient Schmidt said. "Something about encrypted data. I figured I haven't got much to loose." "Speaking of computer crimes, I bet you need legal representation!" Patient Jenkins said, enthusiastically leaning down to put his face level with the seated Patient Schmidt's. "I happen to be a Celebrity Attorney back on Sheratan." The bruise on Patient Jenkins's forehead definitely included an imprint of letters. Meanwhile, MediBot pressed its' sensor probe against various spots on Patient Schmidt's back. "I'll, uh, need to think about that," Patient Schmidt said. It was time to perform oral examination. Patient Jenkins was in the way of Patient Schmidt's mouth. MediBot shoved Patient Jenkins out of the way with its' hand. "Hey, what was that for?" Patient Jenkins shouted. "I must examine Patient Schmidt," MediBot said. Patient Schmidt opened his mouth to say something, and MediBot put its' sensor probe inside. "You've gotta be careful with this thing, Nate," Patient Jenkins said. "On the way to Nirasaki it chased me all over the ship and locked me in a fridge on account of my Cholesterol." "Patient Schmidt," MediBot said. "Speaking of computer crimes. Consider the data that is unexamined by the sun." MediBot put its probe further inside the patient's mouth, and the patient made an odd sound. MediBot said "congratulations, you have an above average number of teeth."
  5. MediBot used its' far range visual and infrared sensors to search the room for additional patients. There were unlikely to be new patients in the current context, but it was good to check periodically when there was nothing else to do. MediBot noticed a tiny heat source on the far side of the room - the one which had ceiling beams and ducting on the wall - which was close enough to average patient body temperature to be worth closer observation. MediBot focused its' sensors on the heat source and wheeled towards it. "Hello, New Patient," MediBot said. The new patient's metal and glass clothing made them difficult to observe and diagnose. The patient was about thirty seven centimeters tall. Their body shape was not humanoid. The patient's pulse could only be observed through a small hole in their shell-like outfit. It was uneven, with seemingly random duration between pulses, and an average pulse rate of one hundred and twenty-eight over billioning carcinogenic arrangements. The patient was 881,763,580,860,012,852,629,677,224 meters tall. Their symptoms included Fundamental Disorganization and Infected Planets. MediBot was unfamiliar with treatment of these symptoms. The new patient would instruct MediBot.
  6. MediBot wheeled out from its' hiding place, meandering between the crates and debris. It was seeking the largest group of people who were still moving, but couldn't take a direct route because of the mess in the upended cargo bay. MediBot stopped in front of a particularly interesting obstruction. Its' temperature was near 97 degrees Fahrenheit, and its' shape was roughly humanoid. "New patient, new patient, what are your symptoms?" MediBot muttered; the probability of a motionless patient answering questions was very low. MediBot extended its' sensor appendage and pressed it against the patient's wrist; the sensory data did not indicate a pulse. It scanned its' sensor over the patient's body and observed puncture wounds and severe bleeding in the upper torso. "Patient is deceased. My condolences," MediBot said, then continued its' journey. MediBot weaved a path around a few more shipping crates and broken pieces of machinery, and then arrived at the location where Charles and several other mercenaries were gathered. "Hello, patients. Do you require medical assistance?" MediBot asked.
  7. @Steve Jenkins you should join us on the discord, there's a phone app if you don't like using a browser https://discord.gg/DT5xwy9
  8. MediBot goes wherever the Tana goes, but probably would remain on the ship unless someone wants it to come along. (MediBot is also able to provide somewhat less ridiculous medical care if desired - I'd been intentionally a little over the top when treating Jenkins. The bot is glitchy but there's a pattern to it.)
  9. I was wondering, how did @Steve Jenkins pay for law school after he divorced his parents? Also, completely unrelated - I'm interested in learning how to do meditation and martial arts and I was wondering whether Steve (the character or the writer) has any advice for me?
  10. Refrigerator interior, galley, M.V. Tana December 11, 3028 ___________________________ Patient Jenkins pounded on the closed refrigerator door. "Hey rust-for-brains, open up! Give me back my HangEeeze!" The patient tugged on the door's handle. MediBot grasped the door's inside handle and closely matched the force exerted by the patient. It occasionally allowed the door to open slightly, then slowly forced it closed again. The randomized incentive of successfully forcing the door open would motivate the patient to continue exercising. "Hey, stop that!" the patient shouted as MediBot started to force the door closed again for the third time. Patient Jenkins grabbed the edge of the door. Medibot pulled the door most of the way closed - but not all the way, because the patient's hand was in the way. "Aaaaagh!" the patient screamed. "Dexter, you have to help me, this robot is deranged!" Patient Jenkins continued tugging on the door. MediBot considered that screaming often indicated unhealthily high stress levels, and therefore this treatment might be counterproductive. MediBot let go of the refrigerator door, the door was flung open, and the door and Patient Jenkins both slammed against the galley wall. MediBot wheeled out of the refrigerator just far enough to clear the door allow it to close, then turned toward the patient. Patient Jenkins lay on the galley floor, and looked very relaxed. MediBot placed the box of HangEeeze in the patient's hand. "Patient Jenkins, are you still experiencing the symptom Vomiting?" MediBot asked. The patient did not respond, so MediBot recorded the symptom as cured and played a series of ascending beeps on its' speakers. It rolled back towards Med Bay, and began reviewing possible treatments for Concussion, Bruising, and Phalanges Crush Injury.
  11. The LEDs in MediBot's faux cartoonist eyes flickered on, and a series of melodic beeps played on its' speakers. It turned its' head from side to side to orient itself. "Patient Jenkins, what is your medical emergency?" "I have such a bad hangover, I feel like I'm gonna die! I need to barf but there's no barf left and I'm starving!" "Patients should eat at least three balanced meals per day," MediBot said while rolling towards the break room. "Hey, get back here! You're supposed to treat me!" the patient yelled. MediBot opened the break room fridge, retrieved a styrofoam box labeled "Dr. Shriken Nov-13", and rolled back to the patient. "Eat this meal to cure your symptom Starving", Medibot said. The patient looked inside the takeout box. "What's wrong with you?" The patient shouted. "I don't need moldy noodles, I need some HangEeeze!" the patient said, pounding on MediBot's head with his fist. MediBot rolled out of reach. "HangEeeze is a recommended cure for the symptom Vomiting, in the context of Excess Alcohol Consumption. Have you consumed excess alcohol, Patient Jenkins?" "That's what I said, I have a hangover and I need some HangEeeze! Stupid robot." MediBot unlocked the medication cabinet, removed a box of HangEeeze, and re-locked the cabinet door. Then it returned to the patient. "Patient Jenkins, I have determined a course of treatment for your symptoms. Aerobic exercise will improve your High Cholesterol, which was observed at your last checkup. HangEeeze will cure your Vomiting, so that you can eat a meal to cure your Starvation. Follow me." MediBot rolled backwards, turned, then sped forwards out of the Med Bay and down the hall, still holding the box of HangEeeze.
  12. So I was thinking... If @Steve Jenkinsis a celebrity lawyer, he's probably famous for his advertisements, right? I was imagining something like this... [Ace attorney Steve Jenkins, wearing his pimp suit, raps while his paralegals snap and beat box in the background. After the first few lines the audio continues while the video fades to a montage of Steve Jenkins slicing through child support payment demands, fraudulent contracts, and a wrongfully imprisoned client's handcuffs with his Archimedan katana.] If you think you have been wronged, conned or divorced, Cheated or malpracticed on with half a butt! Your enemies gonna: Loose their case! And be disgraced! While you spend their money all over the place, so tell 'em We Will, We Will, SUE YOU! Call Steve, Call Steve, JENKINS!
  13. Oh man... That reminds me of my terrible ex who was always taking diet pills where eating fatty food caused awful side effects, while continuing to eat big macs and baconators, pasta and chicken legs with huge amounts of cheese melted on top, etc. The results were at least as bad as what you're probably imagining.
  14. Waste products, huh? Also the size of watermelons? I feel bad for Steve's plumber.
  15. As far as I can tell, Sammy the Surgeon gave him a bunch of pills (which didn't seem to put him fully asleep), drilled his teeth, and somehow that fixed his muscles. All this took 20 minutes. @Charles Maxwell suggested that maybe some of the pills were anti-muscle pills. Care to weigh in, @Steve Jenkins?
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