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Steve Jenkins

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  1. ELSEWHERE I couldn't believe my luck. I was getting a Dragon! It was the symbol of my people and excreted my culture. I had already picked out a name for my Mech when I got it, I would call it Hagakure which referred to the warrior's handbook which I had studied back on Archimedes. "Captain Maxwell, you won't be disappointed!" I yelled, jumping up from my chair and knocking it backwards in a dramatic way to show how serious I was. "I will paint the hills in the blood of my mutilated enemies with this Mech!" I stood there in pride waiting for my assignment to begin! "Can you give me the keys to the Mech soon?" I asked, because I needed them to go start its engine and things.
  2. MEANWHILE...... I stuck my hand in the air to ask a question. Everybody stared at me, first because I was asking a question, then because they were all seeing that I was in my Froot of the Looms and a t-shirt in the briefing room. "Yes, Steve Jenkins, what is your question?" Captain Maxwell asked. "I don't have a Mech and I don't want to die again in another tank, what will happen to me?" Captain Maxwell looked thoughtful about it for A minute. While somebody in the back laughed at my stained underwear.
  3. WOOP WOOP WOOP "...the Shit?" I assumed I was the first to hear it, the alert sirens started going off across the whole TANA, changing through lots of different sirens like an ancient 'car alarm' invention I had heard of from 20th century Earth. I tried to get up from my bunk but the sheet twisted around my ankles and I fell over as soon as I got up, I landed with a splat on the bunk room floor with my pillow in my mouth. "RED ALERT RED ALERT MAN YOUR BATTLESTATIONS AND REPORT TO THE BRIEFING ROOM, WE HAVE A NEW JOB" blared the intercom. Long lines of army guys ran by me out of the bunk room to go to their battle stations, I watched from the floor. Then Sargeant Spivey came over and looked down at me. "WHY ARE YOU IN YOUR UNDERWEAR AND STILL IN BED WHY AREN'T YOU IN UNIFORM HELPING OUT WITH YOUR KITCHEN DUTIES OR IN THE EMERGENCY BRIEFING ROOM FOR THE JOB CONTRACT" He hollered. "I'm sorry! " I yelled. "I overslept, and..." "NO EXCUSES!" he screamed, "get to the briefing on the double! Now!" "but I'm in my underwear!" I yelled "That is not my fault, now go!" The next thing I knew I was hobbling toward the bridge in my stained Fruit of the Looms, hiding my shame with my hands and crying softly at my dishonor. I hoped that the job would pay us lots of money.
  4. No, Steve is kind of Shunned by the Kuritas on account of divorcing his parents, it's considered Dishonorable to dishonor your parents in the Draconis Combine.
  5. You can bot me, my Crapple computer can't handle Most games right now and so I look at the Site on my phone mostly. Don't kill me!!
  6. The robot stared at me with its electric eyes blinking on and off like Christmas lights. It wanted to know what my symptoms were. "I feel sick!!" I shouted at it. "Please describe I'M FEELING SICK." It said back at me. "REPRESENTATIVE!" I hollered at it trying to get a human being on the line. "404. COMMAND 'REPRESENTATIVE' NOT FOUND." The robot suddenly said in an error message sounding voice. "OK, I feel like I have to barf and I'm gonna black out!!" "Please select a discomfort from 1-5." Said the robot. It held up 5 flash cards that had different emojis on them but no numbers, there was a pineapple, an elephant, a rocket ship, a nouse, and a baseball mitt. "There's no numbers!" I said. Just then, a medic walked by. "The robot has a computer virus or something, can I see a real doctor?" "Do you have an appointment?" Came the answer. "No, I didn't think you had to have an appointment." I said. "Well Dr. Shuriken is the only doctor on crew and is really busy right now. But you can get an appointment for Tuesday." Said the medic. "But that's days away!" I Said. The medic just shrugged at me and walked away. Then I looked back at the robot. There was a skull showing on its screen. "AAAAAGH!!!" I yelled. The robots face went back to normal. "Do you want a medicine?" it asked. "Yes that's what I have been trying to tell you!" I said. Then some smoke started to come out of the side of its head and a panel fell off the side of it. "ARRRRGH!"
  7. WELL, Steve did win a battle on a toilet seat BUT he paid a price of a lot of suffering and Hardship, the Raw Alcohol he had drank to get him through the strain and the sickness is sundering him. I was not sure what the robot looked like, I thought it might have looked as one of those demon things out of the Matrix, I guess shouldn't look a way that would give a person a heart attack, even though Steve would probably be ok.
  8. I stumbled inside the TANA. Everyone walked by me like I wasn't there. Or they were Busy. I couldn't tell. But if they were seeing me, they saw how I looked like Death, which maybe is why they didn't say anything to me. But I stumbled into the ship and fell against the elevator doors. I hit the call button to go to the Med Deck. While I waited for the elevator I felt sick to my stomach. I barfed violently into the closed elevator doors, and line of barf got pushed out as the elevator car came down. The doors opened and smeared barf all over them when they opened. I fell into the lift and pressed the floor button to go up. As the lift rised up I felt my head spinning. I knew if I didn't get to the Med Bay soon I would pass out. The doors opened and I fell into the hallway. I walked down it a ways. I stopped to barf aggressively into an air duct . Then I stumbled some more. I knocked a notice board off a wall which fell down and broke as it fell. Then I tripped through a hatch where I threw up again outside Med Bay. Then I walked into Med Bay. "Hey doc, you gotta help me, I think my vitals are going to fail if I don't...." Suddenly, I felt a barf coming. I grabbed a box of latex gloves and threw up into it.
  9. ........was LOL worthy /end
  10. Congratz man that's awesome!!!!!!!!
  11. MEANWHILE...... I had started to get up on my feet to go into the cabin in the woods when I heard a huge booming voice..... STEVE. STEVE. THE BATTLE IS OVER. STEVE. STEVE. WAKE UP STEVE. "The shit....??" I said out loud. I stood up in the snow and looked at the Horizon. There jutting up above the trees was a huge face, it looked like Alexander but it was so huge it blocked out the sun!!! STEVE it said. "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagggggggghhhhhhh!" I screamed, I kept screaming, so hard that I bent at the knees and my arms did a bodybuilder bend, and then I realized that I was stuck screaming! I couldn't stop! My scream continued and I watched my lips growing out from my face and getting longer and flapping as my scream continued, suddenly they flipped over backwards and swallowed me and I was getting pulled into oblivion by my own mouth! "Aggggghhhhhhh!" I screamed some more as I fell down my own Throat, I saw all kinds of rainbow lights and stuff going by as I fell to an unknown place. Suddenly there was a huge crash and I was laying on the floor of my Jail Cell with a bunch of teeth out of my mouth and my pants pulled into a huge wedgie over my head. "The shit, how did I???" I said as I got up, I was really confused. I walked to the window cell and looked outside after I pushed my waistband off my eyes, suddenly I saw the the giant face again!! "Aaaaaaagggg!!!" I yelled. I ran backwards and tripped over the Metal Toilet and smashed my face into the water in the bowel. Suddenly I was in meditation hyperspace again! When I came to, I was sitting on the 'rumble seat' in the Catapult and the real Alexander was looking at me! "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaghhhhhhh!" I screamed, right in his face. Alexander stared at me. "What's wrong with you? We won the war, we're heroes." He said. "It's time to get out of the Mech." I got up really slow, my head and my stomach felt terrible. I made it all the way to the Mech Ladder when I couldn't go any further and stopped to barf in a spare helmet that was on a shelf. I sobbed and wiped my mouth with shame. I Knew that without medical treatment, my body would simply fail. After 5 minutes and a bunch of sick stops later I was on the ground. I stumbled toward the TANA in need of a medic, and some food. If I was going to continue my part, I had to heal.....
  12. Har har Har har ACTUALLY he looks like this guy but more Occult like he's undead or something, or like he's Astral Projecting.
  13. It worked for me!! I set the BATTLETECH SKULL as my theme. Woot!
  14. I fell down on my knees crying into my skeleton hands, they were only bone now after they had got burnt off in the church on account of the door knobs being too hot, in the background all kinds of demons laughed and animal noises happened while the rumble of lava going by also intoned. I did not know how to make it out of this place and I wept for the losing of my Freedoms. Suddenly one of my tears fell into the Lava River and the lava started bubbling where it had hit, then I saw something spinning around in the magma and the next thing I knew a face started coming up out of the lava, that face had a body connected to it and all of the sudden there was a person hovering over the fire and flames. It took me a minute to realize who it was, it was Master Ronald from my training dojo! "STEVE JENKINS WHY DO I FIND YOU HERE IN THE UNDERWORLD" he said disapprovingly. "I got convicted of crimes!" I Sobbed. "But I only did half of them! I drank under age. Please save me" "I can help you, but you must first give penance for what you had did was against the law." "OK! I'll do anything!" I yelled and threw myself face down on the ground & penanced. Master Ronald did some incantations and then threw a smoke bomb at my feer. I hollered because the smoke stung my face, but when it cleared, I wasn't in Kuzuu any more, now I saw the green and blue of Archinmedes. I screamed at the top of my lungs as I fell... headfirst into the snow near the goat's house again! What was going to happen now??
  15. Well that's Sort of how it works, you see on Kuuzu they have A jail system that uses ancient techniques to make people get reformed by making them see the spirit world, in Steve Jenkins case that is the demon world or Hell because he got convicted of 2 crimes. The grand Inquisitor knows special kai meditation techniques to make people see the right Visions but also he puts peyote in all of the Cafeteria food so the inmates are almost always tripping balls the whole time they are there. So yah Steve will have to come back from the trip when the grand Inquisitor decides he's done and then they will find out if he is sorry enough for his crimes to get let out of jail, plus they will do a tea leaves reading to make sure you are of truth.
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