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June 12, 2077 (Saturday)
Medford Rail Depot
Medford County, California
Afternoon
___________________________

The maglev came to a soft halt as Medford Depot slid into view. The building was old, but not in a bad way. Its red bricks glowed softly under the midday sunlight, worn with age but still holding a certain charm. The peeling paint on its beams and the weathered wooden platforms felt like something out of a postcard. The place wasn’t fancy, but it had character, like an old friend who’s been around too long to care about keeping up appearances.

We disembarked, Sammy following in close stride next to me, fidgeting as he gazed ahead at the automobiles the rail workers were unloading. The vehicles looked sleek and modern, all shiny panels and straight lines against the rustic backdrop of the station.

"Think they’ll be done soon?" he asked, shifting his weight.

"Should be," I replied, glancing around. "We’ve got a nice drive ahead. Glad the booze turned out to be synthetic after all."

"You’re good to drive?" Sammy asked.

"Yeah," I responded. "Checked my biomonitor after the nap. Bartender was plying me with the cheap stuff. Half-life wasn’t even a full hour. Great way to keep the customer money flowing in, I guess."

Sammy nodded.

The station was peaceful, not a warzone like I first thought. The workers moved slowly, but they were methodical, carefully driving the cars down a cargo ramp, past the rail platform, and out into the parking lot beyond. Despite the earlier ominous station announcement, it was quiet. I didn’t even see any cops or hired mercenary goons guarding the depot. Beyond the station, you could see Medford town, tucked behind some hills. The rooftops of small homes dotted the landscape, and you could almost make out the outline of a few small shops.

A soft breeze blew through, carrying with it a bouquet of pine and wildflowers. Birds chirped lazily overhead, and the sky, while a little gray, didn’t feel heavy. It was like the promise of rain was just that…a promise. Maybe it would come, maybe it wouldn’t.

I’d never been in a place like this. I’d only ever known Night City, corporate environments, and, on the rare occasions when my parents could actually snag time off and weren’t too beaten down or broke to handle an outing, the outskirts of Pasadena. This was my first time seeing anything like it in person. It felt alive in its own way, just slower than we were used to. 

We walked through a set of grand old doors leading into the depot itself. When we pushed them open, they creaked, a deep, groaning sound that echoed through the nearly empty hall. The air had a faint scent of old wood and dust, but it wasn’t unpleasant. It smelled like memories, like a place where people had come and gone for years, leaving behind only the echo of their footsteps.

Then, I froze in surprise as my eyes adjusted and I realized that whoever was managing Medford Station had an almost obsessive dedication to maintaining its original frontier charm. Despite there being a screamingly cutting-edge Night City maglev alongside the platform outside, the old, long-slung structure looked like something pulled straight out of the past.

Hues of soft blue paint and dark, warm mahogany adorned the walls. Rows of old-fashioned, green padded benches with curved, polished wooden armrests hugged both sides of our path, and there was a wide counter up front, where station workers once sold tickets to travelers. Now, a small throng of people queued there to retrieve their car fobs and continue on their merry ways. Sammy and I joined the line, shuffling forward.

"It’s kinda like being in a movie, huh?" he asked, snapping me out of my contemplation.

"Yeah, I guess so," I replied, shaking my head. "But c’mon, Piñata. We’ve both seen the movies. Pretty places like this always hide something…" I trailed off as my gaze fell on a large clock hung over the entrance, its brass frame still shining in the light of long, narrow windows, the hands stuck at a time long forgotten.

Sammy nodded as we stepped up to the counter. "True, but hey," he flashed a nervous smile, "at least we’ll look good while it kills us horribly."

I couldn’t resist chuckling at that, and together, we stepped up to retrieve the fob to the VersiWagon.

Sammy surrendered the claim check to a bored-looking attendant who barely glanced at it before handing over his keychain in exchange.

"There you go, folks," she mumbled, motioning with one long-nailed finger to the parking lot in front of the depot. "Your ride’s parked in space 88."

After a quick bio break, we emerged into the late afternoon sunlight, where I glanced back at the station one last time. Its yellow paint, though faded and chipped in places, still shone, casting a warm glow across the neatly maintained grounds.

"Hey, there’s the car," I heard Sammy announce, pointing to a spot near the roadway. "We ready to roll?"

"Yeah," I acknowledged, adjusting my bag. "Let’s get moving."

Stowing our gear, we climbed into the car, Sammy at the wheel.

"I thought I was driving?" I asked, perplexed. "Aren’t you supposed to be perpetually exhausted out of your mind and all that?"

Sammy shrugged. "Eh, I actually feel pretty good right now. Must be all the fresh air."

"Fair enough." I conceded, buckling my seatbelt. The engine clattered to life, momentarily breaking the calm of the parking lot. Meanwhile, I pulled up the coordinates for our trip to Rockefeller Forest with a small smile. Ultimately, we were here to do a job, but for the moment, the road trip felt more like an adventure.

The VersiWagon trundled onto the street leading out of town, the station slowly receding in the rearview mirror. The little road stretched ahead of us, bumpy with potholes. Trees flanked its sides, towering evergreens that seemed to wave lazily as we passed. Their branches swayed in the breeze, casting shadows that danced over the car.

The further we drove, the more the landscape opened up. Rolling hills dotted with clusters of trees stretched out as far as the eye could see. Wildflowers painted the sides of the road in bursts of yellow, purple, and blue. The sky was starting to lighten up a bit, the dull gray giving way to patches of soft blue peeking through the clouds.

Along the way passed through a small village. It was quaint and quiet, with shops that had hand-painted signs and locals who seemed to be in no rush at all. Kids ran through the streets, chasing each other in laughter, and an old man sat on a porch, waving at us as we drove by.

"You ever been out here before?" Sammy asked, his eyes flicking between the road and the GPS.

"Not this far north," I replied. "Not to this part of the state. It’s…charming."

Sammy smiled, taking in the view. "I don’t disagree."

Eventually, we started to see highway signs directing travelers to the site that used to be Humboldt Redwoods State Park - back before the time of the Red. Now, what had once been a nature preserve was home to one of Biotechnica’s reference forests, a desperate attempt by the corporation to rebuild what had been lost - and make whatever additional profits they could off the work.

The VersiWagon bounced over a particularly deep pothole, and the underside of the car let out a protesting groan. Sammy winced, and I suppressed a laugh.

"What?" he asked defensively. "What’s so funny about both me and the car busting our asses out here in the middle of nowhere?"

I held up my hands in surrender. "Hey, hey, I’m not laughing at you or Grape, I promise."

"Well, good," Sammy huffed, but I could see the corners of his mouth twitching upwards.

"I mean, I do hope Rami and Steve are having a smoother ride, stuck up there in that fancy helicopter," I added slyly.

Sammy laughed out loud at that, and I joined him. A moment of levity felt good, especially as the road straightened out, became much smoother, and the GPS beeped. A hologram appeared on the car’s windshield as though suspended in the air ahead of us:

Welcome to Biotechnica Reference Forest RF003 - Restoring Nature, Rebuilding the Future. CORPORATE ACCESS ONLY: USE OF DEADLY FORCE AUTHORIZED.

The trees started to thicken as we approached the gate, their branches reaching out like giant arms trying to shield us from the outside world. Where that wasn’t possible, a towering, grotesque security fence topped with razor wire and dimly glowing red warning lights did the job. The canopy above was already casting everything in a soft green light even as the road to the approach narrowed, becoming more of a trail scattered with security barriers.

"Think Rami and Steve are already in there?" he asked.

"Probably," I said. "Sucks to not have comms. Wonder how long it’ll take us to reach them."

We slowed to a stop in front of a squat concrete pillbox, the only sign of human habitation for miles.

"They’ll probably have things set up by the time we get there," Sammy reassured me.

We would soon find out.

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Posted

Saturday June 12, 2077, Afternoon
Biotechnica Reference Forest RF003
Humboldt County, Northern California


I let off the gas as we approached the gate, and stopped next to the concrete box guardhouse. A grey haired lady in a khaki rangers’ uniform slammed the sliding window open and growled, "state yer business".

Luckily, Kat answered for me. "Corporate sent us to take care of your wood pirate problem."

"Uh-huh. And that takes two AVs and a car. Very environmentally friendly."

"Two?" I asked.

"One arrived this morning, the other flew right over my head in the middle of the night. We’re all on high alert because of the thefts, and I figure, I know two things. One team doesn’t need two AVs and a car, and your vehicle looks like it could fit a lot of burls."

"We really are here to help," I said. "The AV was Biotechnica’s idea, and we took the train most of the way."

"I think she’s more worried about our motives than our CHOOH2," Kat said to me, and then to the ranger, "You can search us if you need to, we don’t have saws or anything. We’ll be out of your hair as soon as we ID the pirates, and you’ll never know we were here."

The ranger grunted. "I’ll need to see your ID, then. If you’re lying, my boss needs to know who to hunt down."

"Suuuuuuure, no problem," Kat said with a nervous laugh. "I’m just going to reach into my pocket and get it out - you do the same Sammy, no sudden moves."

I realized then, that the barrel of an implanted gun was peeking out from inside the ranger’s sleeve. I carefully took the passport from Kat and handed it over, along with my passport and Thrifty Care ID.

"This one’s expired," the ranger said.

Kat shrugged. "Sorry, I don’t get out a lot."

The ranger looked back and forth between us, and the passports. Kat really didn’t look much like me, but our hair colors were sort of similar, and the passport was old enough that you’d expect some differences. "Sam and Samantha, born on the same day."

"Our parents only had one name picked out and couldn’t agree on another one," Kat said.

"Uh huh."

I made my best effort to channel Steve and proclaimed, "you can trust me, I’m a doctor!"

The ranger raised an eyebrow, and said "I don’t think that’s relevant."

"Sorry, my roommate told me to say it."

The ranger sighed. Something clicked and whirred inside her arm, and the gun barrel disappeared. "You two are suspicious as all get-out," she said, "but not in a cutting down my trees and shooting at me sort of way. And you know about the thefts, so you’re not just tourists trying to weasel your way into a free campsite." She scanned all three IDs with her agent, and passed them back to me. Then she entered a code, and the razor wire gate slid aside. "I’m letting you in. Don’t start any open fires or leave garbage around like a bunch of doombas, and you and I won’t have any problems."

I took the passports back and drove into the forest, nice and slow since the guards at gated communities tended to take it personal if you broke the speed limit right in front of them, and this place was gated even if the ranger was the only one who lived here. Since we were driving slow anyway, I cracked the windows to smell the fresh air.

I’d hoped this place would look more like home, but of course it didn’t. The East hadn’t suffered nearly as many droughts as California had, and I’d missed the scrubby patches of trees and sumac bushes that popped up anyplace that no one cared to mow. Here, the trees were mostly drought resistant cedars and other conifers, with the sizes and species mixed uncannily evenly.

It was hard to tell while driving, but a certain texture of foliage on gently swooping branches kept catching my eye. It almost looked like the hybrid hemlocks with tiny cones and short little needles, which I’d only ever seen growing under glass at the Philadelphia Natural History Museum. The exhibit said that even with the hybridization and cloning efforts, the combined pressures of invasive insects and blight made them nearly extinct in the wild. If those really were hemlocks growing out in the open… wow. Biotechnica might actually be doing some good for a change.

"Yeah," Kat said.

"What?"

"You said wow."

"Oh - I hadn’t realized I’d said anything."

"Guess you were too busy being wowed," Kat said. "It’s amazing that places like this exist."

Just then, something started buzzing way in the back of the VersiWagon’s trunk. I started to pull over, and then Kat unbuckled and said "don’t worry, I’ll get it." I continued slowly down the road as she scrambled into the back seat and leaned over it, looking through our luggage for the walkie talkie.

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Posted (edited)

Saturday June 12, 2077, Afternoon
Biotechnica Reference Forest RF003
Humboldt County, Northern California
___________________________

The blades of the VT-11 continue to beat above us as we fly over the dark forest. The sound of the rotors are drowning out most of the noise inside the cabin, except for the woman in the back, still puking in the bathroom. I never saw someone so airsick as she. But I had bigger worries. The air was thick, tense, like everyone was waiting for something to go wrong. I was used to that feeling, made me stay sharp.

Big Johnson was sitting across from me, his arms crossed, staring out the window. Steve sat beside me, his leg bouncing nervously.

"Next logical hit’s here," Big Johnson had said a while ago when we were reviewing the landing site. Remember, just get the intel on who’s behind it. Dead or alive? We don’t need to know. But don’t disturb the ecology."

Easier said than done. In a place like this, you disturb the forest just by breathing. I looked out the window again. Over the treetops the mist is hanging, low, thick and heavy, like whole forest is concealing something.

"Almost there," he said, mostly to himself.

I looked out the window, scanning the treetops below. Rockefeller Forest stretched out beneath us like a green sea, endless and thick. But something wasn’t right. I could see it now. The place we were supposed to go. The firewatch tower, or what was left of it. The structure was completely collapsed, a jumble of wood and metal scattered across the clearing.

"That’s not supposed to happen," I said with a frown.

"The fuck?" Big Johnson blurted as he looked out over Steve's shoulder.

Steve leaned forward, looking close at at the wreckage. "That’s where we’re supposed to meet, right?"

"No," Big Johnson replied, "Looks like plans just changed."

He disappeared up front, probably to talk to the pilots, while the other guard just watches us with a worried look. We made circles round the site for a while, no one telling us what is happening. Eventually Big Johnson burst back into the passenger area and slammed the door.

"I assume bad news," I said.

"For you? Maybe. That is beyond my control, though," he said as his huge frame fell back down into his seat. Suddenly, the VT-11 made a sharp turn and began to fly in another direction. "We are diverting to a backup site. As you can see, this one had...an issue."

"An issue we should be worried about?" I ask with my eyebrow raised.

"No," said Big Johnson, "only an issue if you had been inside it at the time."

Somehow these words did not reassure me.

"Do you have coordinates?" I asked as I got out my short range Combat Cab emergency radio. I did not wish to use it if there was a chance the pirates may hear us, but I could not leave Kat and Sammy in the wilds without direction.

"Yes, but if you are trying to direct the people who decided not to fly with us, you will have to do it visually," said Big Johnson. I looked at him as if he were completely mad.

"Visually? There are nothing but trees out there!" Steve interrupts. "No land marks! Look, green. Green. Green. Also, green. Dead thing. Green. Green green green. You got street signs?"

Big Johnson said nothing. I sigh and turn on my radio. At this time, Big Johnson tosses me a compass. Old thing, no electronics. Crude, but working. I pressed the button on my Combat Cab radio, knowing it might not reach, but I had to try.

"Kat, you copy?"

No reply but hissing of static. I tried again, many times. Big Johnson eventually said, "We're almost there. You better put that away and prepare to go."

Suddenly, there was another crackle of static, her voice came through, faint but clear enough. "Yes, Rami. What’s up?"

I kept my voice quiet. "Our tower’s down. Collapsed. We’re heading to another. It’s far. I will have to guide you in."

Quiet, then she speaks again, she is more frustrated this time. "We had to park the car a ways back, Rami. We’re on foot now. Just started to go into the trees. Not even a quarter of the way towards the first site. With all of the shit we are carrying this is gonna be rough."

"Yeah," I said, looking at the trees below. "I know. Is not close. But we need you. You got Sammy with you?"

"He’s here, but we don’t know this place. It’s dense and dark. You need to guide us, step by step."

"OK," I said, getting up and moving from window to window in the cabin, trying to keep my orientation to where I remembered the main access road to be. "If you are where I believe you are, first, head West. You’ll hit a narrow path. Stay on it, but be careful, it’s not a road, just a trail. Move slow, but don’t stop."

"West. Got it," she replied, her voice shaky. "We’re moving but for how long?"

I looked again, I see another line in the trees that is probably water. "Keep moving. It will open up a bit. When you see a stream, turn right. The trail splits there."

It took a long time, the whole time, Big Johnson is telling me we have to land. I wave him off, telling Steve to explain we must stay in the air so I can see where to go. I can hear them moving, branches snapping, Sammy saying things I can't understand. After a long time, then Kat’s voice again. "We see it. Turning right."

"Good," I said. "Now follow that trail. It will be uphill but stick to it. You’re climbing a ridge soon. Once you clear it, you’ll see the tower."

"Rami, this place...the trees are thick. Can barely see ahead. We are barely making it through. If this is a trail it is the worst kept trail I have ever seen," Kat complained. The radio signal shifted in and out, like the battery was dying. "OK, we are almost up the ridge."

"Not far now," I say, calculating. "Just keep going. You’ll climb to the top of that hill, then it’s straight to the tower."

The radio crackled again, but I heard her sigh. "We are trusting you."

"keep moving." I said. "You are doing a good job. We will meet you at the new tower."

I let go of the mic, staring out the window as the helicopter descended to the new site. I hoped my hiking directions were as good as my driving directions, the trees below still looked quiet, but I knew better.

Edited by Kat Franklin
Noticed ASCII character that wasn't rendering correctly and fixed it.
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Posted

Saturday, June 12, 2077
Biotechnica Reference Forest RF003
Humboldt County, Northern California
Afternoon
___________________________

"You’re late."

The voice was sharp, annoyed, and loud enough to be heard over the roar of the VL-11 Corporate Bus as Sammy and I emerged from the overgrown trail that was supposed to have been our easy trek from the parking lot. I dragged my rumpled tank top across my forehead in an attempt to cool down. It had been at least a kilometer and a half since I had stripped the thing off and tied it around my neck, using it to mop up the unrelenting streams of sweat pouring down my face. It wasn’t particularly hot here, but hauling a shitload of gear through the woods on a hike you hadn’t expected to take can change your definition of ‘hot’ pretty damn quick.

"You must be Doctor Shaw," I gasped, dumping the two gear bags I was carrying on the ground and basking in the downwash of the helicopter. I closed my eyes, letting the blast of air cool my matted hair and soaked forehead.

"And you," she admonished, "are underdressed. I can clearly see your nipples through that sports bra, Ms. Franklin. Very unprofessional."

My eyes snapped open. The woman before me was the epitome of a high-strung head researcher. Dressed in a crisp, spotless lab coat, she had her long, black hair pulled up in a tight bun. Underneath the coat, she wore a pristine navy-colored blouse and a knee-length pencil skirt. I didn’t even want to know how she’d managed to keep from getting so much as a speck of dirt on her immaculate, high-heeled boots.

"Yep," I sighed, raising my hands in a ‘what can you do’ motion. "And you’re clearly hung up on office dress code in the middle of a fucking forest. But hey, as long as my nipples go away, we can start this briefing, right?"

In the background, I could see Rami and Steve disembarking the chopper, accompanied by the two Biotechnica security guards from Night City. Rami already had an ‘I can’t believe you just said that’ look on his face, though I don’t know how he could have known what I'd said. Maybe he had augmented hearing. Or maybe he just knew me better than I thought. Either way, Steve bounded toward us with reckless abandon, his ridiculously oversized gear bag slapping against his shoulders, back, and head, while Rami ambled toward us at a more measured pace. Meanwhile, the security guards took up position next to the landed aircraft, scanning the area for threats.

"Oooh!" Steve cooed, his voice a pitch higher than usual. "I’ve always wanted to meet a real-life scientist. I’m Steve," he gushed, extending a hand. "Steve Jenkins. Oh, and that’s Rami Soraya. He’s a taxi driver."

Doctor Shaw looked unimpressed.

"A real taxi driver," Steve continued, oblivious to the icy response. "You can never be sure these days, can you? So, Doctor Shaw, I’ve gotta ask -"

"Steve," Rami interjected, gently guiding him away, "not the time."

"Right, right," Steve apologized, giving an exaggerated wink. Then in a hushed but still-too-loud whisper, he added, "Watch out for rickshaw drivers!"

"Since we’re all here," Shaw huffed, "I’ll get right to the point. We believe that the wood pirates are operating from a hidden camp deep within the forest. Your mission is to identify them and where they’re coming from. Nothing more. The ecology must not be disturbed. The firewatch tower behind us will be your home and base of operations. It may not be as…luxurious…as you Night City folks are used to, but it should suffice."

I shot a sideways glance at Rami, who shrugged and then responded with a pleading set of raised eyebrows, silently begging me not to provoke our client any further. I sighed, biting my lip as I looked around at the rustic tower.

"No problem, Doc," Sammy offered, "we’re real outdoorsy types."

Doctor Shaw responded with a placating grin before continuing. "The tower is stocked with the essential amenities you’ll need: food, beds, and water. There is a computer connected to a seismograph, a weather station, and our camera network, all of which you can use to monitor the forest’s activity. I expect you to do more than stare at the screens, however."

"Don’t worry," Rami reassured her, "we’re not just pretty faces."

A stand-offish look passed between Rami and the doctor.

Great, I thought, we’re already making a fantastic first impression. Just what we need.

"Pretty faces won’t cut it out here," Shaw replied, coldly, "I remind you: you’re here to identify the wood pirates, gather as much intel as possible, and above all else, do not disturb the ecology in any way, shape or form. The latter objective is arguably the most important. The Dalbergia, which, by the way, isn’t even native to this region, has been carefully acclimatized through genetic splicing to thrive in this environment, and we expect you to be especially careful around them."

"Del…bergia?" I ventured, stumbling over the unfamiliar word.

"Dal-bergia," Doctor Shaw corrected. "A large genus of small to medium-size trees, shrubs and lianas in the pea family, Fabaceae, subfamily Faboideae. They’re only found in the neotropical regions of the Americas, from the Chihuahuan Desert and southern New Mexico south to Argentina. In other words, they shouldn’t be here. There are also dense populations of mahogany and Sequoia."

"Right," I deadpanned, "that makes perfect sense now."

"Ms. Franklin, while you might not take seriously the work we’re doing here, I assure you, this forest is of unspeakable value to Biotechnica, and the scientific community at large," Shaw said, her voice taking on an icy edge. "Decades ago, this area was a national forest. It died. We - and we alone - have brought it back to life. And now, we’re on the cusp of incredible breakthroughs, and we will not let a bunch of opportunistic thieves derail that work."

"We understand," Rami interjected, "We’ll tread as lightly as possible."

"See that you do. You have five days, and try not to kill each other in the process. Here are your keys and wristbands. The former will grant you access to the firewatch tower, the latter will allow you to move around the forest without setting off our security systems."

Doctor Shaw handed us a set of keys, an assortment of wristbands, and a long-range radio.

"This radio will connect you directly to our monitoring station. If you have any emergencies, or when you’re ready for extraction, don’t hesitate to use it. Are we clear?" she asked, her tone leaving no doubt she was glad the briefing was over.

"Crystal," Rami affirmed.

"Good. I’ll leave you to it, then." Shaw snapped, and with that, she turned on her heel and marched back to the helicopter.

"Well," Sammy offered, looking at the wristbands, "four tickets to paradise, eh?"

"You know it," I responded, raising my voice to be heard over the roar of the ascending helicopter. "Let’s check out the digs."

- - -

The alternate site wasn’t exactly anything to brag about. The watchtower was constructed from fireproof materials and had a center lift, which was, conveniently, incompatible with the access key given to us. Fortunately, there was also a ladder leading to the top, up which we dragged all of our gear. The access key did, mercifully, open the tower. The inside was spartan, far more than anything I’d ever seen before, but it did offer a 360-degree view of the forest. There was also a solar panel that provided basic power to the computers and the communication units that enabled their connection to the larger forest network. The beds turned out to be hammocks - cheap affairs that, unfortunately, couldn’t bear the weight of anyone with more than one cyberlimb, as poor Rami discovered the hard way.

"Shit," he cursed, as he fell through the ancient webbing and onto the cold, hard floor.

"Where’s all the furniture?" Steve protested.

"There’s at least two metal folding chairs in front of the computers," Sammy offered.

"Let’s prioritize things," Rami interjected. "Food."

"I hate to tell you this," I replied as I perused the only indication of a pantry, "but we’re eating freeze-dried no-fucking-matter-flavor for the next week."

"You’ve gotta be kidding me," Steve whined.

Rami chuckled. "Not exactly the Ritz, my friends. We’ll survive."

I sighed, glancing down at my sweat-stained clothing. "I need a shower."

"Shit, me too," Sammy concurred.

"Head downstairs to the rain barrel," Rami suggested, wincing as he saw the expressions on our faces. "There isn’t even a sink."

"ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?" Steve shrieked, looking genuinely appalled.

"You wanted a camping trip, choom," I quipped. "Looks like you got your wish."

"Camping trip my ass," he grumbled.

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Posted

Saturday Afternoon, June 12, 2077
Fire Watch Tower
Biotechnica Reference Forest RF003
Humboldt County, Northern California


I sat down on a hammock and pulled my bag up next to me. I was looking for my shower things, but my bedding was in the way on top, crammed back into the "Instabed™ Deluxe" package it came in. "Rami, would you like to borrow my air bed, since you got the bad hammock?" I asked.

"Thank you - if you don’t mind," Rami answered. He was digging through the filing cabinet that was our "pantry", taking stock of the food.

I found a towel and the "guess what? chicken butt!" scrub pants that had been relegated to pajamas because Thrifty Care didn’t allow butt jokes ever since the malpractice suit. Then at the very bottom of my bag I found the Extreme Clean Head to Toe shower gel. I looked up, and Kat was holding a bottle with nearly identical graphics on a less shiny label that said X-tremely Clean Hair two Toes. She smirked and knocked her soap bottle against mine like we were doing a toast.

"So, who’s going first?" I asked.

"I guess we can figure out how it works together, and then one of us will take a walk?"

So we climbed back down the very tall and probably not very safe ladder. I hoped no one fell down it while we were here - there was only so much you could do for a broken ankle in the woods, and we were an hour’s drive from the nearest town and a good long hike from the nearest road.

Kat jumped down the last couple rungs ahead of me and made a sweeping gesture at the concrete pad under the rain barrel. "My dear sir, our spa experience awaits!"

I hurried to the bottom and joined her under the tower, where a huge metal drum was welded onto the struts above us. "How does this thing even work?"

"Well, there’s this chain here, so I think-" Kat pulled it, and about a gallon of cold water dumped on my head. "Oops," she whispered.

I pushed the curtain of wet hair out of my eyes. "I guess I’m going first - the Great Rain Barrel has spoken."

"Yeaaaaaah, I’ll, uh, go figure out what our toilet situation is."

I tossed my stuff over one of the tower’s horizontal supports, and after Kat left I stripped and showered Navy style. The rain barrel’s only settings were "off" and "bucket of water falling on your head", so there wasn’t any other option. I dried off, put the clean pants on and wrapped up in the towel to keep warm, and called "Okay, I’m decent!"

"Good," Kat called back, "’cause you need to check this out!"

I followed her voice down a narrow trail to an outhouse that looked like it came out of a cowboy movie - it had the rough warped wood and moon shape cut in the door and everything. "Is that real?"

"It sure smells real. Also, like something died in it!"

I ventured closer, sniffed the moon-shaped hole, and gagged. "Oh god. I think someone hid a body in there. Do we need to dig a new outhose so we’re not desecrating a corpse?"

"I think the stiff is already thoroughly desecrated," Kat said. "And probably not human."

"Oh, right," I said stupidly. "Forest. Animals. You know, I was going to say that the shower made me appreciate your garden hose sprayer setup in the Surgery Shack bathroom. But now the entire place is well on its’ way to becoming home sweet biohazard comapred to here."

"And fewer corpses in the commode," Kat said. "Probably."

 

"Would you like me to stand guard for you, or should I warn the others about our bathroom situation?"

 

"Go on up," Kat said, "I don't think my situation is more dire than anyone else's."

 

So after we got back to the tower I went up the ladder and told Steve and Rami, "The shower is treasonous and the bathroom is a real outhouse that smells almost as bad as gangrene."

 

"How can a shower be treasonous?" Rami asked.

 

"Well, technically it's just not obvious where to stand to get wet or not get wet. But also it just dumps water on you."

 

"Why were you expecting the outhouse to be fake?" Steve asked.

 

"I... don't know what I was expecting? Anyway, what's the plan for dinner? Is there a way we can warm things up without starting a forest fire?"


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MEANWHILE…

Sammy came back up inside the fire watch tower looking COLD and said to me and Rami, "The shower is treasonous and the bathroom is a real outhouse that smells almost as bad as gangrene."

"How can a shower be treasonous?" Rami asked.

"Well, technically it's just not obvious where to stand to get wet or not get wet. But also it just dumps water on you." Said Sammy.

"Why were you expecting the outhouse to be fake?" I asked.

THEN Sammy said "I…don't know what I was expecting? Anyway, what's the plan for dinner? Is there a way we can warm things up without starting a forest fire?"

"WELL, I already put some Bean and Bacon inside of the old microwave over there and its microwaving the can now, I saw a thing over by the wall that says Wood Stove and maybe we can put a fire inside of it." I said, then I pointed at a thing that looked like it was about 100 years old and had one of those Squiggly pipes that goes up inside the wall and a door on the front of it that looked like those Knight helmets you see in an ancient kind of TV show I had saw called "Cartoons," you know, the ones where for some reason some Knight is chasing a cat around the neighborhood and trying to chop his head off with a Sword, but then the cat turns around and slams a bunch of On Fire logs inside the knight’s helmet and then the Knight runs around in a circle on fire, MEANWHILE the cat starts to play the Piano while laughing manically in his face, one of those helmets.

"I dont know Steve, it says ABSOLUTELY NO LOCAL WOOD on the outside of it and we arent supposed to disturb the Ecology, in fact thats why we brought you on this job to know the Law Things about that so we dont get in trouble with Biotechnica." Sammy said. Then I said "Dont worry man, I got all the laws right here" and then I waved my Forest Lawsuits 2076 shard around to make my point. "I will just make sure I dont pick up any wood that looks like its from around here."

Rami looked at me with Suspicion but I know it would be OK, so I slid down the fire pole to the bottom of the fire watch tower, it was dark as ass outside but I had a Flashlight and a pack of potato chips so I knew I could find some wood in no time. I walked around for like 10 minutes trying to find something that didnt look like it was from around here, eventually I stumbled into the Woods and there was a HUGE shadow over me, I screamed on account of at first I thought it was a Bigfoot or something and I Thought I was going to get another Chupacabra Butt Probe or some shit. But then I looked up and I realized it was the Outhouse Sammy had talked about, and it was OLD, I mean it looked like it had been there since the Wild West, it was made all out of Wood and it had one of those moon holes inside the front so you star gaze while you did your Business.

WELL I had been holding my Business since Night City on account of there had been some lady puking in the helicopter Toilet the entire time we were flying over and I really didnt want to keep holding it, so I stepped up to the Outhouse door and opened it, and HOLY MOTHER OF GOD THE SMELL, it was like someone had ate a Roadkill Pizza and then they chased it with some A1 and anchovies and then they let it rot for a week and THEN they poured some Ammonia in it and bottled it up in an airtight jar and THEN they opened that jar in my face, it was THAT BAD.

I covered my mouth with my shirt and Stepped inside anyways because I really had to go, I thought I was gonna cough up potato chips but that was better than peeing my pants, the only problem was after the door Banged closed behind me it was SO dark I couldnt see my hand in front of my face and someone had put a Metal plate over the freaking Moon Hole, so I fumbled around for an old lighter Sensei Ronald had gave me on one of his smoke brakes back at the Power Fists Dojo, mean while the old man stank cloud was getting REALLY rank in there, I finally found the lighter and hung my Pants on the toilet door and then struck a Flame.

When the lighter sparked there was a short spark and I saw the room and all the Smell lines for a 1/2 second but then there was a GUMONGOUS flash and then an explosion and the whole freaking Outhouse was lit up like the 4th of July, the fumes must of lit on fire or something and the walls and the Roof of the outhouse got blew off and I was standing there in my Froot of the Looms in the middle of the Rockefeller Forest, I started screaming like a madman and ran out of the blasted Wreckage of the Outhouse, there was only the toilet box/stool left, the walls had fell totally down and the roof was somewhere off in the trees, I was fanning my Pants to try to put out the fire but that only made it worse, the fabric must of got infused with the fumes, I finally managed to stomp them out and then I reached up to make sure my eyebrows were still there, they were and also my hair was Singed but it was still there, I stopped for a second to breathe hard and I buckled down on my knees, then I looked up to see did I Start a forest fire. LUCKILY the explosion must not of been very Incindiary because even though some of the wood was smoking none of the bits had lit on fire the way my clothes did which was good on account of I would have had a REALLY hard time explaining to BIOTECHNICA how come it was that the Attorney who was supposed to do Ecology Protection Compliance was the one who had blew up and then lit their forest on fire.

I stood there for like 5 minutes getting my breath caught up and checking to see if anything was Sundered, then I looked over and I could see in the distance Kat had got done with her shower and had went back upstairs, I put my pants on and I saw my Ecology book sticking out of my pocket, the screen was all melted down but other than that it was fine, then I remembered I had came out here for wood but I had not got any yet, I couldnt go up there and tell everyone I had detonanted the Outhouse on accident AND not have any wood, that would be too much, then I remembered that the outhouse was built out of an assload of wood it didnt need anymore, so I went over to where the Outhouse used to be and got some of the longer Splinters that were left and I started loading it up in the Fire Watch tower’s lift. After it was filled up I tried to send the lift up but then I remembered that it was locked out on account of the keys were had werent programmed right.

"BALL DAMN IT!" I Yelled, then I climbed back up the ladder and went inside the fire watch tower. Sammy and Rami were talking about something, I did not know what, and Kat was drying her hair with a towel. When they all turned around to look at me they looked at me like someone who had just got blew up in an Outhouse explosion, which it had happened.

"WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO YOU?" Intoned Rami, his voice was deep and Rough like the pits of Hell itself.

"WELL" I said "Apparently Fireworks + Outhouse = BAD combo"

"Steve what does that mean?" Asked Kat, she had a Serious look on her face. "Does that mean we dont have a Toilet anymore?"

"NO the Toilet is still there" I said "But the view is more Rustic now unfortunately."

"I dont like the sound of that" Said Sammy.

"Well the good news is" I said "I got some wood, so that’s something." Then I dropped a few pieces of Toilet Lumber on the table.

"OH also I filled up the lift with the rest of the lumber BUT its going to have to get Hacked or something on account of its still locked out."

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Earlier...

Saturday, June 12, 2077
Somewhere in Biotechnica Reference Forest RF003
Humboldt County, Northern California
Afternoon
___________________________

The morning started with clear skies and quiet winds. We moved out early, the forest still dark beneath a layer of fog. I was ahead of the group, scanning the area, Trask at my side, his rifle slung casually but ready. The goal was simple: scout the firewatch tower before the misfits arrived and set up any covert assets necessary to close the net on their prized netrunner once she was present.

We reached the tower about a half hour later. Or what was left of it. The damn thing had collapsed, wood and metal scattered like broken bones. 

The site was a mess, wreckage spread out across the clearing. The platform, which was supposed to be a vantage point, lay flat on the ground, warped and crushed under the weight of debris. It looked like it had been ripped apart by a storm, or worse, by human hands. Splintered beams, glass, and panels of aluminum were strewn everywhere, and the roof had caved in completely, lying in pieces on the forest floor.  

The tower’s support beams, thick, solid logs that once held the entire structure aloft, were snapped clean in half, like some force had caused them to fail under their own weight. Nothing stood more than a few meters off the ground. It wasn’t just damaged, it was obliterated.

"This wasn’t in the plan." I grumbled.

I crouched next to what used to be a door, now lying at an awkward angle among the ruins. The metal hinges were bent, barely recognizable. I ran my hand over the broken wood, feeling the jagged edges. It wasn’t old decay. There was no rot. The cuts were recent, fresh. Someone had taken this place apart.

"Trask." I called, unease creeping up my spine. "Check for signs of traps."

Trask nodded and moved in, his eyes sweeping the site, hands already working over the carnage as he pulled out his scanner. The rest of the team spread out, each moving carefully through the clearing, trying not to disturb anything more than necessary.  It was quiet here. Too quiet. The only sounds were our boots crunching over smashed glass and the occasional rustle of leaves from the wind. No birds. No animals. Just silence.

Vera stared at the remains of the tower. "Not a damn thing I can do with this." she explained. "There's nothing left to jack into."

"No traps. No traces of explosives either." Trask added, straightening up after his sweep. "Whatever brought this down, it wasn’t a bomb. More likely someone with a cutter and keen knowledge about how to fell a tree."

I cursed under my breath, kicking a small pile of debris out of frustration. Whoever hit this place had done it fast and clean, right under Biotechnica's nose. They knew what they were doing.

"What about footprints? Tire marks?" I asked, pacing through the clearing, eyes working over the ground. 

"Nothing." Trask replied. "Ground’s soft from the rain last night, but it’s been disturbed too much. Hard to tell what’s natural and what’s not. If I had to make a guess, I'd say it was the wood pirates not wanting to be seen doing their thing."

I stood there, fists clenched, staring at the ruined tower. I had nothing to work with. No clues, no trail to follow. Just destruction.

"I wasn't expecting to have to deal with hostilities on two fronts." I muttered, my teeth grinding together. "The edgerunners are a handful enough."

Vera stepped closer, her eyes narrowed. "Yeah. We need into Biotechnica's network."

I nodded. It was indesputable that this was planned. Biotechnica wouldn't destroy their own tower, would they? No, it had to have been the pirates. They wanted eyes off their prizes. And for now, they’d succeeded. But I wasn’t going to let that stop me.

Trask gave me a look. "What now?"

I sighed, looking around the dense trees. The air was damp, and the smell of pine and moss filled my lungs. It was almost suffocating. I could feel the wet chill seeping through my clothes. "We adjust." I said. "They’ll divert to another tower. We need to identify it and be there before them."

Vera, Nash, Davian, and Jinx nodded.

"Pack it up." I ordered, my voice hard. "Let's fall back to the camp and fortify. And, Vera, when we get there, I want you to focus on getting into the goddamned network. I want eyes everywhere."

-----

We hiked into the afternoon, pushing back into the forest. The trees blocked most of the sunlight, making the trail feel endless. To make sure that no one spotted us, we took a different route back, one with a path that was uneven with roots and fallen branches everywhere that slowed our progress. My head pounded with frustration. 

Trask took the lead, his eyes alert and rifle at the ready. The rest of the team followed close behind. Vera was behind me, whispering something under her breath, probably running through the breach scenario she was going to follow when we got back to camp.

By the time we got back to base, I was tired and angry. The weight of the gear wasn’t helping. Trask wasted no time, barking orders to the team.

"Nash, start setting up the perimeter." he ordered, pointing toward our scattered gear. "Turrets, drones, motion sensors, everything. We’re not taking any chances." We weren’t just here to catch some low-level clowns. We were here to outlast anyone else who came looking.

Nash grunted in acknowledgment and moved toward the pile of equipment. Meanwhile, Jinx pulled out a few crates from the back of the tent, unpacking the heavier gear. He also unloaded a specialty weapon we'd been testing in recent field trials.

By the time we were done, this place would be a fortress.

While the others worked, I turned to Vera. "You know what to do."

She nodded with a serious expression and dropped to her knees next to a field terminal. On our way back to camp, she'd noticed a section of network trunk running through the forest. We had made a quick stop to allow her to splice a lengthy spool of interface cable into it, and now, with a click, she secured the other end of it into one of her interface ports. She then connected another shorter cable from another of her interface ports into the terminal, which would allow the rest of us to see what she was seeing as she entered the network.

I looked around again to ensure the team was still on task. Nash was in the midst of setting traps with old-fashioned monowire and EMP mines. Meanwhile, Jinx had finished securing his toys and was now setting up two portable turrets, one at each end of the camp, both armed with armor-piercing rounds. They’d be enough to hold off anyone for a while if things went south. Over in his tent, Davian was meticulously laying out his field triage kit in the unlikely event it was needed, though I wasn't expecting he'd need to treat anything worse than a hangnail.

Trask ambled over to stand next to Vera and me.

"Did I miss anything?" he asked.

"No." I replied. "She's just about to go in."

I turned back to Vera. The field display flickered to life as her cyberdeck entered the network.

"Remember: cameras first." I ordered. "We need eyes on this whole forest."

"Working on it." she said, biting her lip as the first floor hit the screen. "Biotechnica’s security isn’t a joke. Black ICE  and demons everywhere."

"Handle it." I ordered.

The first firewall came up. It was standard fare. Vera dismantled its access code in seconds, cutting through the outer layer of encryption like it was paper. I watched the code melt away, the display shifting into a tunnel of data as she dove deeper into the network.

Suddenly, the screen flared red.

"Shit!" Vera cursed, her fingers freezing for a split second before moving faster through the air. "Black ICE. Program’s called Raven. It’s fast. It’ll fry my brain if I’m not careful."

"Stay focused." I instructed her, keeping my voice calm but firm.

She locked in a countermeasure, deploying a worm to keep the Raven busy, then launched a counter protocol. The Raven flared again, trying to burn through her defenses, but she stayed two steps ahead, luring it into a data loop. After a tense moment, the ICE flickered out. Gone.

"Raven’s down." she sighed. "But there's two demons between me and the camera control node. I expect they're in charge of maintaining the surveillance in such a rural place."

"Keep going." I ordered. "You’ve got this. Don't get zapped."

Another wave of red flooded her screen—this time, it was a demon called Hellhound. It was a brutish program, designed to literally cause her cyberdeck to spontaneously combust if she wasn’t fast enough. Its claws sank into the network, cutting off paths and restricting access. I could see the strain on Vera’s face as she struggled to outmaneuver it.

She gritted her teeth. "This one’s tough. It’s aggressive."

I watched as she maneuvered, ducking between firewalls and launching counterattacks. Every time the Hellhound tried to lock down her processes, she broke free, but it was getting harder. She was running out of options.

"You’re almost there." I urged, trying to push her forward. "Don’t stop now."

She deployed a decoy program, buying herself a few seconds to reroute through an alternate path and reach the control node. The Hellhound snarled, lunging after the decoy. Meanwhile, Vera was already through, slipping past the final gateway into the control node. She exhaled sharply as the HUD on her screen shifted from red to green.

"I’m in." she said triumphantly. "I’ve got control of their cameras."

The screen lit up with grainy feeds from all over the forest. It wasn’t perfect. Some of the angles were bad, some cameras were covered in mist, but we had eyes now. Enough to know what was coming.

Trask and I crouched down beside her, watching the feeds dip in and out. We looked upon a forest of black and white, the quiet broken only by the faint buzz of the drones hovering above us.

"Good work, Vera." I said. "Now we wait."

---

The sun was sinking fast by the time we heard it: the unmistakable hum of a chopper overhead, slicing through the evening sky. Trask noticed first, his eyes snapping up and narrowing at the sight of the sleek executive transport. Something like that shouldn't be out here. Not in the deep woods.

"Vera!" I barked. "Find the cameras on that chopper’s route. I want to know where it’s going. Jinx, Nash, get on the weapons. Trask, your undivided attention, please."

"Already scanning." Vera replied, her fingers working furiously over invisible controls in cyberspace.

As the helicopter flew low, Vera switched between feeds, tracking it. Finally, on the field terminal, we saw it hovering over a clearing, its rotors kicking up dust and leaves.

"Here we go." I said, leaning over Vera’s shoulder. "They’re landing."

The doors of the chopper slid open, and we saw two figures step out: Rami Soraya and Steve Jenkins. They walked down into the clearing, followed by a pair of Biotechnica security guards. The camera dipped and hissed before cutting out, but we caught enough to know it wasn’t just a quick drop-off.

Vera pulled up another feed. "More coming on foot from the other direction." she advised us. "It's Voss. And Franklin."

"What?" I exclaimed. "Are you sure?"

Vera just nodded. Trask leaned closer to the display and squinted at it. The camera zoomed in on the pair. It was unmistakable. Kathryn Franklin had arrived. I watched as the group came together in the clearing, right under the shadow of the helicopter’s blades. Even though we couldn’t hear them, the scene was clear. The scientist, Dr. Milica Shaw, from what we could tell, wasn’t wasting time. Her hands moved quickly, directing the group as if they were already behind schedule. Rami looked calm, as usual. Steve, not so much. Sammy stayed quiet, nodding along to whatever Shaw was saying. Kat looked tired, sweat-streaked, and annoyed, probably from the hike.

If only she knew just how easy her life actually was right now, and how soon everything would change.

"They’re getting briefed," Trask said, arms crossed.

The downblast from the transport whipped through the trees, scattering all kinds of debris, but the scientist didn't seem phased. She was all business, handing out wristbands and keys, pointing toward a firewatch tower not too far from the landing site. Vera adjusted the feed, zooming out slightly. 

"Looks like they’re moving to another tower for the night."

"Let’s keep following." I ordered, keeping my eyes glued to the feed.

Vera switched cameras as the Biotechnica guards and Shaw boarded the helicopter. The group started to hike away from the landing site as they followed Shaw’s instructions, trudging through the dense trees. They kept a decent pace, and it wasn’t long before the replacement firewatch tower came into view, still intact, standing tall against the darkening sky.

"They’ll be camping there?" I said, watching as they made their way up the ladder, the lift apparently out of business and making them haul their gear to the top. "What a dump."

"Orders?" Trask asked.

"We’ll wait." I replied, straightening up.

"Not gonna interfere?" Nash asked, glancing at me.

"Not yet." I said. "Let them get comfortable with their rain barrel and medieval toilet. We’ll watch. When the time’s right, we move."

The night was coming fast, and so was the oncoming storm. We had eyes on them now. All we had to do was wait.

Edited by Edwin Talbot
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Saturday Evening, June 12, 2077
Fire Watch Tower
Biotechnica Reference Forest RF003
Humboldt County, Northern California


Steve returned from his wood-gathering with singed hair and an armful of foul smelling splinters, and informed us that our outhouse had a new rustic view, because that was exactly what this place needed. Maybe with better ventilation, it would at least stink less.

"Well the good news is, I got some wood, so that’s something," Steve said, and dumped the suspcicious wood right on the table where we were going to eat. "OH also I filled up the lift with the rest of the lumber BUT its going to have to get Hacked or something on account of its still locked out."

Kat sighed and muttered to herself, "no rest for the wicked". She pulled on a second hoodie over her first one and headed down the ladder.

"Well, I guess we can try starting a fire with this," I said. "Assuming we have a lighter."

"OR we can use my Gang Jazzler!" Steve said, eagerly stuffing stinky splinteres into the wood stove.

I said "um," and then stopped talking, because I wasn’t sure if I wanted to know what a gang jazzler was, but was pretty sure I would find out anyway. Hopefully it wasn’t explosives.

Luckily, Rami handed Steve an actual lighter. "Use this, so you don’t use up cyberware that you might need later," Rami said, which raised more questions than it answered.

While Steve lit the fire, I checked the cupboard for a pot with a lid that fit. Cooking over outhouse wood probably posed similar health risks to cooking over lighter fluid or anything else you wouldn’t want your food to touch, so we should try to minimize contamination. Unfortunately, we didn’t have a pot with a lid that fit. The best I could come up with was a small sauce pan with a huge lid from a mysteriously absent larger pot, that would mostly seal out the fumes.

I brought what I’d found to the table where Rami had gathered the freeze dried beans and veggie flavored kibbles, and oh my, the smell coming from the woodstove was intense, and not in a good way. "Steve, how can you stand that?" I asked. Steve was sitting right there by the fire, stoking it while it billowed smoke in his face.

"I think the outhose explosion burned off all my nose hairs," Steve said.

"That’s… not how sense of smell works? I think having no nose hairs would make it worse, since they help filter pollutants. I think you were thinking of inner ear hairs."

Then, something hummed to life underneath the elevator’s trap door. Rami heaved the door open and latched it to a shackle on the wall so that it couldn’t fall closed again. We all watched as Kat rose up from the hole in the floor, grinning and frozen in a "Tada!" pose. But before she was fully into the room, she gagged and started coughing.

"Oh god. Can we just eat cold food tonight?" Kat asked. "I don’t mind my kibble stale and crunchy if it means we don’t have to smell that."

Rami closed the door of the wood stove, and all its airvents. "Steve, I saved the microwave from your beans and bacon. You shouldn’t microwave cans, the metal will light the microwave on fire."

"But that’s how you know it’s working!" Steve said, at the same time that Kat said "Why oh why couldn’t you have mentioned that before he started burning toilet wood?"

"It’s important to know that the stove works, in case we run out of solar charge for the microwave. Tomorrow, some of us can search for both wood and wood pirates in the direction of the broken fire tower. From the air, it looked like it was not all metal like this one."

So we found some coffee mugs that we could microwave without them being lit on fire, and we put a can of beans and some veggie kibble in each of those and put it all in the microwave. When the microwave dinged, Steve hopped up to get the food, Rami waved him away, and then he brought the entire microwave platter to the table with all the mugs on it, holding it with a dish towel so he wouldn’t burn his hands. "Dinner is served."

We each got one of the least rusty spoons. I ate carefully, since it was hot and cold at the same time, and tried not to make faces about the flavor. That was a real challenge, but I didn’t want Rami to think we didn’t like his cooking. It wasn’t his fault that he only had terrible ingredients and an old microwave to work with.

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MEANWHILE……

I slowly Gagged down the chunks of gross food Rami had made in the microwave, I couldnt even kill the flavor with my can of Bean & Bacon, it tasted like terrible ass and dog food mashed together. I didnt even want to know how Rami had managed to make something that tasted so bad with just 2 Engredients, but it was. I looked up as I sobbed into my mouthful of food quietly, Rami was eating his food really fast but Meanwhile Sammy and Kat looked sad and pushed their food around their plates with their rusty spoons, Kat gave me a Look and I sighed, Rami saw it too and he sighed louder than me as he finished up his own pile of food.

"Alright, alright, I get it" He said putting his dish on the side with a CLANK "No need to give yourselves Dysentery just to make me feel good, but next time, YOU cook" he finished waving a fork at me. I stared at him and he stared at me but then I let out a Laugh and we all started laughing, even Rami who had made a big deal of being offended but was smirking down at his plate. I got up from my chair and I patted him on the back and THEN I Said "HEY I got an idea so that tonight isnt a Sad state, I can tell you guys a ghost story!!!" Then Kat said "Im not nearly drunk enough for ghost stories Steve" and Rami said "I’ve seen too many scary things in real life to be afraid of Ghosts" but then I said "WELL how about I get you guys Wasted???"

THEN Sammy said "No Steve I’m not doing any of your pill bags with you" but I smiled and I said "Don’t worry buddy, I brought an assload of Liquor with me," then I walked over to my hammock and I grabbed my Duffle bag and I took it over to the middle of the "living room" area and I dumped it out on the floor, about 12 bottles of Twisted Gonad beer fell out along with a fifth of Seething Shogun Sake which was about halfway done and a party bag. I shook it some more and 8 bottles of Broseph Ale and one of the THICCCest 40’s of Trailerbrew Beer I had ever saw fell out and landed on the floor with a CLUNK, everybody looked at me in disbelief and then Kat said "The hell are you going to do with all that Liquor?"

THEN I shouted "Get wasted of course, what else are you supposed to do with Alcohol Drinks? Tonight is going to be the night of DRUNKEN GHOST STORIES!!!" and I threw bottles of beer at Kat, Rami, and Sammy, then I raked the whole pile into a pile in the middle of the room and I went in my gear bag and I got out a bunch of orange Glow Sticks and I cracked them and shoved them into the pile of bottles so it looked like a campfire, then I said "Now everybody sit around the fire and I’ll start the story."

Rami sighed and said "Fine Steve, but this better be good" as he sat down in one of the two metal chairs, then Sammy plopped down on the floor next to him and started opening the top on his bottle, Kat came over and threw 2 pillows on the floor and sat down and said said "Alright Steve, Imma need some serious liquid courage for this, but go ahead," so I opened my 40 oz. of Trailerbrew and I took a big swig of it, then I cut off the lights in the room and I sat down in the other Metal chair and I started my story.

*** BEGIN STORY ***

OK SO this one’s gonna sound Ridiculous but I swear it happened and it all starts with a place in Kuzuu County called The Wrenched Groin, it used to be The Wretched Grain, An old grain silo on the edge of town but somebody spraypainted the sign years ago and changed GRAIN to GROIN and Wretched to Wrenched and it stuck, I guess That’s Kuzuu for you.

Anyway back when I was 12 me, my little brother Mikey and my two buddies Shane Biggums and Tucker Nut McWeevil decided to go to The Wrenched Groin one night, Everyone in town Said the place is Cursed on account of way back in the day the silo collapsed during a huge storm and Buried all the corn inside, according to Legend it was haunted by The Corn Man which was a creepy ass guy made of corn and dirt who snatches up kids dumb enough to go poking around.

SO one night Tuckers like "Yo we gotta go in there and prove The Corn Man’s real!!" And I was all in, too on account of it would make us Legends at school, Mikey didnt love the idea but Shane hyped it up so Mikey went along, We snuck out there with a flashlight, a baseball bat with nails in it and an old ass camera that BARELY worked, the silo was huge and rusted and barely standing, we could hear the Wind Noises coming through the holes inside of it and it made noises like it was going to fall down any minute. THEN we crawled through a Hole in the side and we were standing in a bunch of old dusty corn, Mikey was holding up the bat like it was a Bushido Blade and he was shaking SO bad it looked like he was gonna faint, Shane started taking Terrible Polaroids and Tucker started making Ghost Noises. MEANWHILE I was telling them to shut up because I don’t wanna get caught by whoever owns the Land.

Then the most Terrible thing happened, we heard this weird crunching shound like someone walking through the corn or something chewing on it, Mikey froze up and said "IT’S HIM!!! THE CORN MAN!!!" I was about to laugh it off but then Shane’s flashlight flickered off and died, now we were in total Darkness and the crunching sound was getting LOUDER, CLOSER. Tucker freaked out and tripped over some old corn sacks and yelled "HE’S GOT ME THE CORN MAN’S GOT ME IM GONNA DIE" Mikey Was swinging the bat at the air except he was hitting nothing, I grabbed Shane and tried to pull him out the door. But then, I saw the most TERRIBLE thing…

A SHAPE, tall and hunched over and covered in what looked like corn husks, it LURCHED toward us out of the Darkness. It had on a flannel shirt but its face…oh god its face was just a MESS of dirt and corn and something not right. Shane tried to take a picture but the flash BLINDED us and when it was cleared the Thing was gone. We RAN THE HELL OUT OF THERE, Tucker was screaming, my brother Mikey was swinging that bat at anything that moved and Shane was hollering THIS IS AWESOME like a complete maniac. We DIDNT stop running until we got halfway back to town. Tucker swears up and down that The Corn Man was trying to drag him into the silo but all I saw him do was trip over some busted grain bags.

The next day, Shane came over to my house with the Polaroids, most of them were Garbage, but 1…it showed a BLURRY figure crouching in the distance WITH A FLANNEL SHIRT AND ALL. Nobody at school believed us, but the 4 of us KNOW WHAT WE SAW.

*** END STORY ***

"Moral of the story? Stay away from old silos with dumb names, The Corn Man’s probably still out there waiting for the next group of idiots to wander in." Then I did a huge long gagging burp and then took another hit of the Broseph Ale to make my Point, then I looked at Rami, Kat, and Sammy. "Well was it scary or what?"

"Steve That was" Rami said "Unique, I’ll give you that."

"Hell yeah!" I Hollered, "I know how to set the mood, maybe after we save the world or whatever we can come back here and do some REAL ghost busting huh?" I winked at Kat, she rolled her eyes but she was smiling, I could tell she was Into it.

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